"If you live anywhere near Crystal Palace, you’ll know that getting a black taxi home from the centre of London is not easy. The only time you’re likely to see a licensed cab driver round my way is on the back of a moped with a clipboard and an A-Z revising for ‘The Knowledge.’ The part entitled Algebra, Latin and the Periodic Table – or – Stuff I learned At School and Never Needed Again."
By Jim Bob from Goodnight Jim Bob: On The Road With Carter and the Unstoppable Sex Machine
"When I finally got to my stop and up to the sidewalk, every tourist with a map and a bad sense of direction (and the obligatory sun visor cap) was in the Times Square area. I KNOW this is the so-called crossroads of the world, and that people from all over said world (as well as the other 49 American states and Long Island) want to gather here to see the… Toys R Us store and the big TV screens, but listen to me:
If you don’t know where you are going, DON’T JUST STOP RIGHT THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK. Do you know what that makes you? A human obstacle. A morbidly obese, fanny-pack-wearing DIPSHIT in a Celebrate Tampa T-shirt, holding your recessive-gene children in nicotine-stained hands. You are in the way. It is called a sideWALK. Not a side-stand-there- and-point-to-the- Foot-Locker-and-say Oh-look-Harold-they- have-a-Foot-Locker-in-Times-Square! You are an idiot."
By Tommy Himself at The Sticking Point