Twenty Tweets From the North

What are you doing? In 140 characters or less.

1) March 25, 9am. Been at Manchester Airport all of ten minutes and one airport worker ruminates to another: “There’s nothing as queer as folk.” Really!

2) March 25, 2pm. What am I doing? Sleeping. I have transatlantic travel down. Take the red-eye. Nap for a couple hours middle of the day. Wake up and enjoy GMT.

3) March 26, 2pm. Running westwards onto the Westwood into a westwardly gale. Not a good idea. Turn around and run round Beverley’s ring-roads instead.

4) March 26, 3pm. Should have thought earlier of this goal for the run: count the pubs I pass. Beverley has dozens.

5) March 26, 9pm. Just had maybe the best meal out ever in the UK, at the Pipe and Glass Inn, South Dalton. This one worth much more than a Twitter. Watch the front page.

6) March 27, 9am. Papers report British schools to teach twittering – and to drop compulsory study of World War II. Now there’s progress – in less than 140 characters.

7) March 27, 5pm. At Roberts & Speight in Beverley. Any wine store that just had Chateau Musar’s Serge Hochar in to host a tasting is alright in my book.

8) March 27, 5:30pm. Can’t resist a pint of Samuel Smith’s Old Brewery Bitter at the White Horse. Love this pub with its nook and crannies. The pint is only £1.40, too.

9) March 28, 10am. Beverley needs a boutique hotel. Just saying.

10) March 28, 3pm. Credit crunch or old age? I just bought a pair of £15 jeans at Burton’s.

11) March 28, 4pm. Just ran into my London-based cousin in a Boots in Beverley. What are the odds? Given that we’re both here for my mother’s 75th birthday party, pretty good, actually.

12) March 28, 4:15pm. Just convinced my cousin to buy an Animal jacket at Tea Tree Bay. He just convinced me to buy an Animal hoodie. To be honest, we didn’t take much convincing.

13) March 28, 5pm. Walk down Lairgate to find two drunk blokes out back of a pub about to start battering each other. Two other blokes are trying to stop them.

14) March 28, 5:02pm. Lairgate. Fisticuffs replaced by kissing and hugging. Don’t you love daytime drinking?

15) March 28, 6:15pm. At Beverley Minster. There’s a DJ and a pianist, catered dinner and wine. Trust my mum to book a birthday party that feels like a wedding.

16) March 28, 7:30pm. Conversation among the “young folk” – the under 50s – at our table is all about Facebook and Twitter. It’s suggested I tweet. Why?

17) March 28, 8:30pm. Just gave the toast at the birthday party. Probably the closest I’ll ever get to being best man. PS: It was longer than 140 characters.

18) March 28, midnight. Finally mum’s birthday. We open a bottle of champagne. I laugh so hard at something I bang my forehead on my glass. Now I can’t remember what I was laughing about.

19) March 29, noon. At the Tiger Inn for a birthday brunch. Can’t resist the guest ale, Cornish Spring Tide. I recommend the vegetarian shepherds pie if you’re ever in the area.

20) March 29, 3pm. Lovely day for a drive to London. Especially when you’re not driving. My cousin is at the wheel and we talk tweeting. He reckons I should do it. Why?

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7 Comment(s)

  1. baby jebus

    3 April, 2009 at 6:28 am

    The only reason to tweet is if you have an ego problem and believe that every single pointless incident in your life must be shared with someone. No one cares. Resist adding to the tide of virtual shit that threatens to engulf us all. Save the planet and your dignity.

  2. James the vineman

    5 April, 2009 at 9:49 pm

    I get the whole picture I got straight transported, especially the blokes punchin then lovin ! yah i looked at twitter for 5 mins and thought what a load of american bollocks

  3. 6 April, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    Twitter has the potential to be a great tool, in that it requires people to keep their posts short and to the point. (Which is why I had fun trying to do the above post.) Unfortunately, though perhaps predictably, instead of short bursts of wry wisdom, most people – including Stephen Fry, who ought to be pithy more times than he should be boring – use it to post inane updates on their non-existence.

    As for it American bollocks, maybe it is James, but you should see how popular it is in the country that gave the world the Page 3 girl, The Price Is Right and Pop Idol.


  4. 7 April, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    Twitter — headline news: follow the BBC (I stopped, too many tweets) , the Berlin newspaper, certain friends, certain music sites, CNN journalists, .

  5. 16 April, 2009 at 6:23 am

    I think that novels that leave out technology misrepresent life as badly as Victorians misrepresented life by leaving out sex. – Kurt Vonnegut (Another American bullocks?)

  6. 16 April, 2009 at 3:34 pm

    Great quote from Kurt, I was wondering if you saw the piece in the NY TImes Week in Review section on Sunday, how difficult some novelists are finding it to handle plot now that all their characters have cell phones and texting devices. I don’t think it’s that difficult and that they’re welcome to follow my example; Imagine someone coming to New York without a cell phone. Or someone’s phone getting stolen. Or miscommunication. A jealous boyfriend reading his girlfriend’s messages to another boy – the possibilities are endless.



  7. baby jebus

    19 April, 2009 at 8:38 am

    Those examples hardly reflect technology though- they’re merely updates of the old reading someone’s diary/losing one’s address book tropes. Human interaction doesn’t change, merely the tools of its expression. Music might be made digitally but we still use boring old ears to receive it.
    Novels and movies that rely on technological advances to drive their plots date very very quickly. And authors that struggle to deal with basic social realities aren’t likely to contribute anything too essential to the canon. Still, hijack someone’s twitter account and you can create a convincing fake trail of their supposed activities, which ought to allow a determined abductor to escape the country before anyone twigs. The idea of imagined life versus reality is the most underexplored aspect opened up by social networking- it’s a pity it’s always reduced to a ‘find the evil paedo’ chase by slack thriller writers.

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